Meine Heulsuse
by KyoKyo866
Summary: Feliciano and Ludwig spend the last night together in silence before Ludwig goes back to war, Ludwig spends this silence to think back on how Feliciano has handled him being gone for so long.


One last day with him…

Feliciano looked up to the grandfather clocked ticking in the corner, his frown drooping even father as he saw the short hand slowly reaching to the ten. At ten, that meant bedtime... and then Ludwig would get shipped out to war again. And maybe not come back this time.

"Will you stop staring at that clock, Feliciano? It's not going to go slower." Ludwig stated, pushing up his reading glasses as he tried to read his novel in the bright light of the lamp behind him, that currently the only one on since he was trying to save electricity money. He wasn't very fond of carelessly wasting money obviously. They were both sitting on the couch, Ludwig sitting on it long ways with his back resting against the armrest nearest the lamp while Feliciano sat in it normal with the others knees arched over his own.

The Italian sighed a small 'sho' as he looked down, wrapping his arms around the blonde's legs and setting his head in the crevice of them. Currently the two were in the living room of Ludwig's house, Feliciano staying over once again mostly just to stay with the German. Ludwig didn't mind though, when he came home from the war he always loved to be around his lover, though sometimes he did mind when he had finally remembered how much Feli talked so much about nonsense.

Oh well... love was about sacrifices.

Course when he thought about it, it was mostly Feliciano making all the sacrifices while he was away. While he himself went out to fight against the Allies, the Italian was left at home to take care of his dogs, having to clean up the house, and not have anyone around to help him. He always remembered how long the letters he received from them were, usually rambling about junk that happened… but amongst his rambling, he always asked how he was doing, and always wishing he'd return home soon so they could eat his pasta.

And he always ended it with 'Ti amo' too. Which of course was nothing new to him since he said that every other second, most times not really meaning too much affection behind it.

After a hard hit by the allied bombs' however and having told the Italian he woke up in an infirmary a week after he was first bombed… things began to change between the way Feliciano wrote his letters, especially the first few since he was so worried about not having his countless letters during the time he was out of commission not being returned. Oh how he begged for him to come home where it was safe and that Feliciano knew that he was okay and alive. Though of course, Ludwig had to stay for his country. Feliciano wasn't very happy with that one.

After that mishap had happened, the direct next letters began to end with 'ich liebe dich'. Personally, it shocked him the first time he read that on the bottom of it. Ludwig never taught him those words during the various German lessons he taught him if they were ever to go to his home nation. Sure it was nice, but ever since he started that in, the letters became more personal and more… upsetting to say the least, always noting how he wanted him hoe safe and greatly worrying for his health. He always assured Feliciano there was nothing to worry about but he never believed him. Silly Italian boy.

But once more, Ludwig didn't think too much about it on the home front. All he knew was that when he fought out there, he fought for more than his nation, but fought for the right to be able to spend another week home with his lover. A lover that always smiled and hugged and kissed him when he returned. A lover that always cooked pasta or pasta related items for them. A lover that took care of things without even too much complaint.

… A lover that received no 'thank you' or 'I love you' in return for what he does.

Well, often at least. Once or twice Ludwig would say it, only in private however, never ever in public. Though, it always did to slip from him occasionally in their private time in bed, whether it be while they were half asleep or bathing in afterglow of 'having relations' as he would put it.

He didn't know how Feliciano could do it. Go through all of this without him not around to help when he needed it. And do it all with a smile... trying his hardest when he was home not to cry. Not to be a burden. How could he—

"…*sniff*..."

Ludwig's ears perked as he heard the very quiet sound, not paying too much attention it until he heard it again. …he knew that kind of sniff anywhere; it wasn't one to breathe either. He pulled his glasses down a bit as he looked up over his book to the Italian, who was still hugging his lower legs tightly. "…What are you doing?"

"Nothing…"

Ludwig watched him closely, reaching up and taking off his glasses as he swore he heard a change of pitch during that. "…are you sure?"

Feliciano nodded stiffly, nuzzling his head more into the crevice of his legs. "S..si."

"Are you crying?"

"…Yes."

Ludwig blinked, not having actually expected that answer. He quickly flipped the bookmark in the novel and closed it so he could set it aside. He sat up a bit more so he could get a better look at the Italian, though it was hard to see since his head was buried in his legs. Oh no... Oh no, what am I going to do? Why is he crying? Hesitantly, he reached a hand out and set it on Feliciano's back, rubbing it into his back in a circular motion to try to comfort him. Though the longer his hand stayed on, the keener he felt to how Feliciano's chest raised up and down unevenly, knowing he was trying to keep back crying.

"Feli… Feli, it's okay. Don't, uh… don't cry." Ludwig's brows furrowed, not feeling very confident on how to make his lover feel better. He was never good at this sort of thing; books didn't give good enough information of how to comfort an Italian. "Why… why're you crying?"

Feliciano sniffed once more, tilting his head a bit to try to look up to his concerned lover, his glistening gold eyes now visible. "You…. You're gonna leave… and..." His chest heaved rapidly as he tried to keep back a sob before he stuffed his head back into just below Ludwig's knees. "And I might not see you again! I-I've been listening to the radio... the allies are getting worse and w-worse... more soldiers are dying out there. Ludwig… please." He shifted upwards, letting go of the Germans knees only to have them wrap around his neck. "Please! Don't leave me again!" He yelled, leaning into Ludwig's chest to keep any signs of his upset emotions muffled in the others shirt. "I don't want the next letter I receive from you is that you've been killed in action!"

Ludwig blinked at hearing this, but he frowned a bit as he tightly hugged the brunette, letting him spill his guts and tears to him as much as his heart desired. It was much different hearing it in person rather than a letter. Much different. "Feliciano… Feliciano, don't cry." He murmured, leaning down a bit to gently kiss his chestnut strands. "Don't listen to the people on the radio… don't listen to all the negativity about the war. Listen to me, Feliciano. Listen just to me." He waited until the other finished sobbing before he looked up to him, staring at him with those wide tear-filled eyes. "…I love you."

Feliciano blinked, a few tears falling in reaction to it, smiling a little shakily. "..I love you too, Lu-"

"I didn't finish." Ludwig noted outright, though he blinked and frowned a bit. "Ah… es tut mir lied. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt. But, as I just said, I love you. And you love me, right?"

"Si! Si!"

Ludwig chuckled quietly for a moment before returning to his serious air. "Then believe me, Feliciano. I'm leaving tomorrow, there's no going around that. But when I go out there to fight, I always come back all right. Correct?"

"Yes... but—"

"Ahn!" Ludwig pulled a hand back to set a finger against the Italian's lips. "Nein 'buts'. You know me better than to let myself be killed out there. And do you know why I do not get killed out there?" He pulled his hand away from Feliciano's mouth, reaching around to set it back in the hug.

Feliciano looked up at him blankly for a moment before downwards in thought. "Uhm…" he muttered, not even sure how to answer the question. Knowing Ludwig it was something very very logical. After a while he looked up back to the blonde, golden brown meeting ice blue. "Because… because you're Ludwig?"

Ludwig's serious face twitched to a smile just for a moment at the cute comment but he kept his poker face as usual. But he shook his head, hugging his love tighter as he leaned down and pressed his cheek against the others temple. "It's because I have you to come home to. I fight everyday, deal with all the Shiza war has to offer. But I fight with blood, sweat and tears just for the chance to be home with you. And once I fight for something, I keep it until it's done." He smiled a little bit even though Feliciano couldn't see it, feeling him burying himself in the crook of his neck. "I will come home in another few months for you. I will be safe for you. I will be in perfect health for you." Ludwig paused a moment before he breathily chuckled. "And I will eat pasta with you, for you."

Feliciano had just seemed to brighten ten-fold at the news, hugging the man even tighter if it was possible. "Ti amo, Ludwig! Ti amo!"

"..Ti amo, Feliciano."

A/N: Okie so its been forever since I actually written a GerIta fanfic :D.. and this i based off of an emotional moment I had with a friend.. though it wasnt THIS emotional TwT but still~ But hey I thought this turned out pretty good :D what do u guys think?

Translations:

Meine Heulsuse = My Crybaby

Ich Liebe Dich/Ti amo = I love you

Shiza = shit

Es tut Mir Lied = I am sorry


End file.
